Asian Female Fetish Syndrome
August 29, 2006 121 0 |You must be logged in to like

Asian Female Fetish Syndrome

Every other couple I pass in SoHo is a White male and Asian female combination. According to a not so recent but relevant Census Bureau statistic, Asian females are twice as likely to marry a White male than Asian males are to marry a White female. Every other couple I pass in SoHo is a White male and Asian female combination. According to a not so recent but relevant Census Bureau statistic, Asian females are twice as likely to marry a White male than Asian males are to marry a White female. They are the "it" couple that receives more rants on Craigslists than any other interracially dating couple. And while I have nothing personally against it, there is something about this particular phenomenon that has driven me nuts.

Everything would be fine and dandy for a few weeks, and then he'll whisper in my ear, "I've always wondered how'd it be to f*** an Asian girl."

Sandra Fay

I call it the "Asian Female Fetish Syndrome". It is the desire for me or any other Asian woman simply because we are Asian. It is more commonly found in White men than other races.



Symptoms include:



  • The man who proudly gloats, "I've dated Asian women before." (Now if only this were a job interview instead of a date--I'd be impressed.)
  • The man who professes his love for Chinese food when I mention I'm Chinese.
  • The man who attempts to speak Asian (That is--Chinese, Japanese, Korean, or a jumble of the three) to me.
  • The man who refers to me as Oriental - ”period. I pickup the word "oriental" like a radar detects missiles, especially when it is not used in reference to rugs and chinaware. It conjures an image of the china doll and me no love you long time (tee-hee).

I have no doubt that there are many happy white male and Asian female couples out there, including my sister and her boyfriend, who are very much in love. But for the majority of what I have experienced, it is quite a different story.

"Do you girls really have the tightest pussy?"

My jaw dropped to the floor when a man seriously asked me that question. It's as if all engagements of proper behavior are thrown out the window. The form of this question varies, but it will always allude to the hypersexual and erotic imagery of me.

Sometimes, it's a statement.

"You oriental girls are kinky."

I grind my teeth underneath a fake smile as I walk away.

Unfortunately, these are the lines that are often used to hit on me. Sad to say, but these are also the lines that have made the walls slightly higher for guys to date me who are not of Asian decent.

Weeding out the men who have A.F.F.S. can be a tricky thing. Everything would be fine and dandy for a few weeks, and then he'll whisper in my ear, "I've always wondered how'd it be to f*** an Asian girl."

I need a stronger weed killer.

I never thought of myself as one who actually had racial preferences as I have dated outside the boundaries many times over but looking back at my dating history, I realize that all my serious relationships have been with Asian men. Coincidence? I think not.

A.F.F.S is non-existent when I'm dating them. I'm not saying an Asian guy will not have fetishes, but I would be rest assured he would not proclaim his love for Chinese food in the middle of dinner.

Frankly, it makes it that much easier not to deal with it. I don't believe in making things more complicated then it has to be. This also goes for long distance relationships and smokers. It's not that I would not deal with it - ”I'm just saying I wouldn't go out of my way to do so. There's a difference.

However, if I do marry the meatloaf-loving-former-boy-scout-who-can't-jump, then so be it. Let me reiterate, stereotypes are not cool.

Sandra Fay is twenty something living and dating in New York City. To learn more about her visit her MyAsiance page at

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  1. Miguel's Avatar
    September 09, 2006 Reply
    oh no, the secrets are out, as you know were in the Web 2.0 era and with this great info here comes white 2.0 hahhaha im funny.. damn.. 2+5? ....
  2. nicole's Avatar
    September 09, 2006 Reply
    that thought always crosses my mind whenever i see an asian woman with a white guy (does he have an asian fetish?!?)
  3. GUODAN's Avatar
    September 09, 2006 Reply
  4. dhalia's Avatar
    September 09, 2006 Reply
    I think asian women have a fetish, fascination, or preoccupation for white men as much as white men have for asian women. rarely do you see asian women dating or marrying latin and especially black men. Judging from the personal essays, statistics, and personal observations this preoccupation goes both ways. asian women who are in interracial relationships with white men aren't solely the "victims" of the white male's asian fetish.
  5. Allison's Avatar
    September 09, 2006 Reply
    This reads like a column rather than journalism... Nope, more like a blog. Is it? Maybe I'm mistaken.. sorry in advance if that is the case. I was merely hoping to read something a little more substantial. Where are the interviews/quotes, some stats and theories? What's the other point of view? (Geez... Maybe there are girls that play on it,... And what does that mean! :P ) I didn't feel I learnt anything new from could have dug a little deeper.
  6. Gary's Avatar
    July 07, 2007 Reply
    Perhaps I am calling the kettle black as I myself have an Asian girlfriend but i agree with you, a lot of men have this fetish that what they see in porn is somehow representative of the entire culture. I have a Japanese girlfriend whom I love, not because she is Asian but because she is a beautiful woman, we are both atheists, she teaches violin and I love classical music, and she is the kindest person I have ever met. I could go on but I don't want to make anyone jealous. :) Perverts are everywhere and not just go after Asians. One instance out of boredom I logged into a yahoo chat room and without anyone even knowing I was a male introduced themselves in ways, well that I would call less than gentlemanly and then upon discovering I was not a female became increasingly hateful toward me. I think it has as much to do with a sort of dumbing down of society as much as it is with stereotyping.
  7. Ryan's Avatar
    July 07, 2007 Reply
    There is no doubt that all of the comments you relate in your story are ridiculously out of line and inappropriate, but any attempt to draw all men who like asian girls ask equally fetishized and inappropriate is rather silly. Almost all people all over the world enjoy sexual preferences of all kinds, and that in and of it self means nothing of the individual persons character or morality. Qualifying your attack by saying your sister has a white boyfriend sounds about as hollow a balancing act as saying "I have black friends but..." People would be much more willing to accept your hypothesis if you could back it up with anything more substantial than your own personal indignation over the anecdotal racist and sexist attacks you suffered at the hands of some thoughtless individuals. If this is what passes for "Journalism" 'round here, then the editors must be *starving* for content.
  8. yaknow's Avatar
    July 07, 2007 Reply
    I think this is a well documented phenomenon. I think it goes beyond what a previous post refers to as a simple "preference", but is actually an objectification of a certain race of women/men... actually a reduction of them to a two-dimensional stereotype. Just because you don't perceive it as "negative" (you LIKE them, right?). You run the risk of denying their individuality. And that can't be positive. Now, this is a subject I see brought up a lot, deservedly so, but there are a couple of other important questions to ask: Why do so many Asian women date white guys who obviously only like them for their ethnicity? Why don't more White or Black women date Asian guys? -y
  9. K's Avatar
    July 07, 2007 Reply
    Where I come from, we call the syndrome Yellow Fever. It is well-documented in my area. However, I have never been faced with the kind of remarks that guys have made around you. Of course, I get hit on by white guys a lot, some of whom proudly proclaim that they "prefer Asians." I was always confused by that, so I got some balls and asked them straight out, "What is it that makes us so attractive?" It's always a mixed bag with each guy, but the ones I hear the most are a.) we are much "cuter" than the average white girl, b.) we're much more mild-mannered, and c.) we're more intelligent. Although all three of them can be questioned as a general statement regarding all Asian women, at least they're not things like, "Your pussy is tighter than other women." Jeez. Stereotypes are everywhere. It is less common for white women to date Asian guys, because, know what they say about Asian guys. Of course, the opposite can be said for black guys. Will this ever change? Probably not, but in the end, no one means any real harm by it.
  10. Ron's Avatar
    July 07, 2007 Reply
    This sounds like the rant of a 15 year old, "prepubescent" teen. Can you please send the name of the person who gave you a job...I am thinking of a career change and this seems to be a pretty easy and amusing gig. (Enjoy your advantage while it lasts. I know numerous people who would die to have an advantage based only on their natural features.)

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